Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Play date prejudiced

Maybe it's bitchy of me but I hate the idea of play dates. This is a timely subject for me as the husband has taken a large interest in Jack's social development, because if left up to me there would be absolutely no play dates scheduled, you know, because of the aforementioned play date loathing. And here's why-

1. I hate play dates because of the inorganic way they're brought about. Back in the day, back when I was a kid (wow, I really just used that sentence) we went outside and made friends the old fashioned way- by accidentally hitting them in the head with a ball or saying you liked their Keds. WE made our own play dates. We got into a little innocent trouble, we made our own myths and sought out legends in the park. We built cities before the street lights came on without the assistance of parental units.

2. To me play dates usually only lead to two things- hour long minutes of judging other peoples parenting styles and inane conversation. And I'm usually too sarcastic or perverse for both of those activities.

"Is he potty trained yet?"
"About as much as a drunk uncle."

"Is he reading by himself?"
"Reading?! The damn child is a genius! He's writing his thesis on biomedical engineering* this spring."

"What is he into?"

And the thing is, if I DON'T answer things this way, I want to blow my brains out due to boredom. Because what I'm really thinking is "are you REALLY thinking this conversation is interesting?"
And if it isn't about your kid, it's your husband, your job, your car, your food, all topics with an undercurrent of judgement. And since I'm pretty open, since I'll openly say what is going on in my life without any shame, I'm usually an easy target. My "bravery" (if you'd even call it that) quickly becomes my weakness.

We'll see I suppose. Greg has scheduled a play date for Jack with a girl he works with and her son on Saturday. And I'll try and not fidget, say "fuck" out loud and such.

The only child in this play date will likely be me.

The things I do for this face...

* You never know, his dad did after all. I married a damn smart cookie. He's the brains and I'm...the ruckus starter of the family.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Because sometimes I get uppity about updating...

I haven't posted anything in a over a week, which for me is a bit weird. It usually comes down to three things- I don't have any inspiration (but will post fluff posts to compensate), I'm busy or I want to include pictures but haven't taken many, probably because I'm busy and uninspired. As of late all three of these things mixed themselves into a This Will Keep You From Blogging cocktail and knocked me off my ass. In a good way though. To update-

*I finally got a job!! I was hired at a nearby restaurant as a server, which I was pretty floored over as I have no serving experience. So I've been trying to memorize a menu chalk full of food I've never had or heard of before (I've had Indian food all of once in my life prior to getting this job), learning the restaurant layout, light bartending, holding heavy trays without toppling over (I lack any decent upper body strength) and smiling at people who don't plan on tipping you. It's challenging but I'm enjoying it so far. It's nice to get out of the house, interact with adults, get annoyed over things other than poop, tantrums and nap strikes and feel like you're contributing to the household (financially anyway, I know I contribute my ass off in other ways). This job also coincided with an H&M grand opening by us. I'll start working on uplifting the economy soon.

*Along with the job and child rearing, I'll be walking for a local designer during Tucson Fashion Week. I met her once so far and I've pretty much started cultivating a new girlcrush because she's super awesome and cute. Hopefully I'll have a lot of pics to upload on here as a result.

*I decided to rock a new hairstyle on my off time-

Presenting Amanderken: She Who Milkith Cows Coyly.

*I really want to do a couple style posts as I found a really cute Anthro dress at Buffalo for $22! And it was brand new, tags and everything still attached. It was like finding a unicorn. Also, see the aforementioned H&M opening.

Jack was a casualty of my H&M enthusiasm. I bought him this hat for $7. This picture doesn't really display it properly, but it was the best he could do given his attitude at that moment. He looks like he's the lead singer to a toddler ska band.

*Now that I have a job, my feelings that I pushed to the backburner about adopting a kitten have come back full force. I even did a "Cat Compatibility" assessment (shut up, don't judge me!) on Animal Planet and I got paired with this little guy-

The Abyssinian.
We'll see...

Oh! And I'm obsessed with this song. Wicked obsessed.

Aaaaand that's all I've got for right now.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Originality is unidentified plagiarism...

I did this for funsies tonight-

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

You submit something you've written and "they" analyze it and tell you who your writing style resembles. Being prone to sloth and not wanting to write anything new, I submitted this blog entry.

You can do your own here.

I have new stuff to update on soon. Tonight I have to finish up some stuff around the house and remedy these ghastly roots that have been sprouting atop my head.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Dancey Dance

These videos are my anti-depressant.

Ladies and Gents- Jack's Rump Shaking


*These were taken about 7 months ago. I can't believe how big he is now.
**These weren't pre-planned. I was taking pictures of him when a Lady Gaga snippet came on MTV (I was watching Teen Mom because I'm addicted to it) and he started bopping along to it. So I looked up the On Demand music section, found Lady Gaga and played it to see if he'd do it twice and switched my camera settings to record.
***No, I don't know where he gets it from.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


I know I posted on how wonderful this IUD has been but apparently I DID jinx myself. The cramps haven't been horrible, barely even adequate enough to really complain about (I've learned to just pop a few ibuprofen before I start up on a bitchfest) but whoooooooaaa....WHOA!

------------------------------TMI ALERT! TMI ALERT!---------------------------------

I'm bleeding like a sieve! It's insane. Insane enough to have to change a SUPER tampon every hour or so. Insane enough to have to change clothes...twice. How somebody can go on like this without dying or at least getting a little faint is, I don't know, supernatural. And not in a cool way. I feel like a freak. And I feel a little bummed because for awhile there I was tooting this IUD's horn like a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. All "I feel so great" and "pssshht I feel bad for anybody on anything else. This thing is the tits!" And THIS happened.

I have my 4 week check up tomorrow so my doc can see if things are still peachy with the IUD and it's placement, and this will mark the THIRD time I've seen her with a great big red welcoming wagon.

I know I was told the first few periods would be heavy, so I'm really hoping this is normal.

I just had to vent somewhere. Oy...the joys of being a woman.

Friday, August 6, 2010

In Bullet points and Pictures

I think I have bloggers blogk (see what I did there). I hate when I have ideas rattling around in the attic and I can only faintly see the outline of them. It leads to a lot of fluffy posts and that's not really how I want this blog to go. Look at these shoes! TAKE ME SERIOUSLY DAMNIT! Oh, a kitten! Anyway, since I'm trying to get unstuck here is yet another fluff post *buries her head in the desk and mumbles*.

*The job thing still isn't working out. I don't want to talk about. Unless of course you want to see me foam at the mouth.

*I've had my Paragard IUD in for about a month now and I must admit- not too shabby. I don't want to jinx myself here but things have been great. No hormonal outbursts (unless you count my Latin temper but that's a pre-existing condition), more energy (I even tried running again while at the park), overall it's been pretty sweet. And I've learned to just not read message boards about IUDs anymore. They just psych you out. Just because somebody has a certain experience doesn't mean you will. I wish I could have those hours of worrying about bleeding rivers and other ovarian horrors back. The cramping after placement was pretty gnarly, yes. And I expect that this upcoming period isn't going to be too pleasant (right now my right ovary feels like it has heartburn) but whatever, pop some Motrin, bear down and wait it out. Plus! And maybe this is TMI, but uh, the product of intercoursing is like

with a side of

I'm not sure if it's the lack of hormones or something, but I'm not going back. I'M back! Thank you modern medicine.

*Jack has been rocking our socks off. He's actually saying little phrases now which is awesome. He tells his panda and Greg "I lu you" a lot (but not me mind you, because the bitch that actually brought him into the world is chopped liver it seems) and he points out things on his own and says their names. I didn't even know he knew "sky" but sure enough as we were laying in the grass at the park he pointed up in the air and said it. He's been such a light at the end of the daily tunnel of stress and obligations and disappointments. It's kind of magical how he can simply run in a circle while making farting noises and we instantly put our aggravation in check. Because farting noises! And circle running! And we're missing out on simple pleasures by being to sucked up in the race or our own heads. Lets build homes for stuffed animals with blocks! He saves us sometimes, he really does.

*Things I want to write about soon- The desperate need for anonymity I feel a lot, marriage and that whole roller coaster, more "________ and Me" posts, Things I've Learned From Men.

*Here are some pics!

Nap time is the new happy hour.

Some random picture of one of the walls in Jack's room.

I'm wondering if pigtails are acceptable past the age of 8 and in public. Care to settle the debate? Pigtails- Yay or Hell Nay? I won't be hurt. Pardon my really bad complexion, the humidity here is making me break out.

I thought I was being all clever when I took this, but this little rearranging of our spices turned into a joke only I seemed to be laughing at. Whatever gets me through cooking though.

And here's a few songs I've been listening to constantly and to the detriment of my family's sanity-

Makes me think about taking out my fringed flapper dress for a night at Congress.

That is all!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Texts in Real Time

Tuesday. August 3rd 2010. 1:00 p.m.

Greg: I just had a debate with __________ about meat. She has no objection to eating even people as long as you don't kill them. Haha!
Me: Gross.
Greg: But here is a thought experiment. If you had to eat a man burger and Jack's life depended on it would you rather eat someone you loved or hated?
Me: Pssshht! Somebody I hated obviously. I'd gladly eat Sarah Palin...even if Jack's life didn't depend on it. I'd eat that bitch's liver with fava beans and a nice chianti. FVVVVFFFFFFVVVFFVVV!
Greg: But then you'd get her ugly powers...
Me: But Tina Fey does skits as her...couldn't be that bad. Tina. Fey.
Greg: True. I haven't heard much out of her this year. Maybe we'll luck out and she'll just go away.
Me: I think she wants to run again in 2012. Of she wins the Mayans were right and I won't make another peep about those stupid History Channel 2012 conspiracy programs you watch on occasion when I leave the house.