Monday, July 23, 2012

Something old, something new

 Well, I went ahead and did it- I made a new blog. I don't think I'll fully leave this one behind but I am transitioning into a newer era. If you like to follow me over there I can now be found over at -


I'm excited to see where this goes.

Much love,

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Friday Fondue

 It would seem our monsoon season is kicking in early around here which means yesterday I was stuck inside for a bit, cruising the web while the rain let itself be known. I brewed some Earl Grey, put on Bob Dylan and searched Craigslist for houses to rent in Seattle. Because I FUCKING LOVE RAIN.  I have no plans on moving to Seattle (yet) but the rain made me so happy I thought "screw it, I'm gonna fantasize about living in this all the time". Anyway, here's some links-

Need an instant pick me up giggle? Try this site.

Pretty tasty looking summer dish. And the fist time I legitimately contemplated making a pie.

This bag made me go apeshit.

One day I WILL attend the Governors Island Jazz Age Lawn Fest.

Some amazing collections of photos going on over here.

I am swooning over this credenza that's tucked away at an antique store near me. I mean...ugh. It should be mine. I'd give it the love it needs.

I want to move to Seattle so I can dress like this all the time.

As far as music-

I've pretty much been listening to Beach House non-stop. Specifically-

And, so lovely it tears apart my insides-

They are coming to the Ol' Pueblo in September and if by some cruel design I am unable to see them I will revolt.

 Hope your weekend is of the happy sort!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Summer skin

  We finally find the nerve to venture outside and take him to the park, as promised. The heat pulls out all of your energy and leaves you limp, skin salty and depleted. The desert has no use for grand plans. It is mere survival and you bend to it or adapt. But now the sun has lost it's bite and the sky is replaced with the inklings of our annual desert monsoon and so we go.
   The grass is cooling down enough to where taking off your shoes is desirable. I shed them as cicadas buzz loudly enough to penetrate your skull. It is a buzz that sounds primitive. They let their song ring and remain invisible to passing eyes. We march onward to a large sprawl of grass to live in for the next hour.
  I have fought the summers arrival every year, this year more than ever. I am depleted and the harshness that desert living can bring is more than just symbolic. It is a reality. bend to it or adapt.

I am watching my son grow. I am watching myself grow. I am watching a love grow. And so things are shedding all around and a new picture is forming.

The Japanese see the cicada as a symbol of reincarnation. The Chinese have a tale wherein the multiple shedding of the cicada shell is represented as a persons breaking through stages of transformation until all their illusions have been broken and enlightenment has been achieved.

Their summer song seems louder this year.

 The monsoon will come soon and wash away the skeletons left on tree branches; and once the debris is washed away the desert will find an abundance that will make up for the silence that the cicadas will leave behind.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

True Life Texts

Disclaimer- sometimes these can be an over share and/or inappropriate. But then, that's kind of how I operate.

I shall title this exchange- True Romance

Zack- I love you.

Me- I love you. So very much.

Zack- I love you more.  * you can pause here to go gag if you must. But we debate over who loves whom more. I don't know. It's something we do while trying to find something to watch on TV and in between mouthfuls of Chipotle burrito bowls.

Me- No you don't. I wanna marry you. I wanna have two kids with you. Which is two more than I wanted. I wanna be grouchy on a porch with you and grow old there. I wanna pick out affordable Swedish furniture with you. I wanna get invited to a dinner party with you and then go get burgers afterward, because I know how we are. 

But first, I wanna sit on your face.

And there you have it. Romance, just like Shakespeare wrote it.

Here's a picture of us being civilized and happy-

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Don't know when, but a change is gonna come...

 I'm bored with this blog.

   I'm not quite ready to quit blogging, but I am in desperate need of a change. A new layout, a new site, a new...something. I started this blog over three years ago and I feel like too much has changed to keep the same thing going. I've grown out of this old shirt. I want to adopt a more defined style while still maintaining some of the old stuff.
  Over the next couple months I think I'll be trying to start up something new. Hopefully, those of you who have followed along will hang in there with me.

I don't even know if anybody reads this thing anymore anyway.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

In Which I Admire Him

Somehow I made him. And he made me. 

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

For The Sake Of Blogging

  I don't have anything very poignant to write. I find myself about halfway through my first cup of coffee (one hot cup in the morning and a larger iced version in the afternoon), still clad in pajamas, hanging out and catching up on TV with Colleen, who has telecommuted today. She hasn't seen me very much, and neither has this blog. So I figured I'd write and catch up just for the sake of doing those things.

The reasons for my absence-

1. A Big, Big Love
   Zack and I have been together for an admittedly short period of time but it has been an all consuming, inseparable, deeply happy period of time nonetheless. I can safely say that what has become is something that I had never anticipated in a million years, ESPECIALLY after the last few. There have been two times when love has been defined in my life- the first was when I looked at Jack for the first time. And this.

2. The D-Word
Greg finally met him before Zack, Jack and I departed for a week long vacation up to Sacramento to see my not-so-little-anymore brother graduate high school.  It went smoothly and as we departed I got the text-

"I like Zack. He's a good guy. Have a safe trip!"

There are moments when I feel guilty. Shouldn't divorce be hard? Shouldn't both of us be filled with resentment and cattiness? Shouldn't it be soul crushing to walk into a city building and take a number to process the papers that will sever what everybody assumed would be a forever union?

Last week Greg and I walked into the superior court's building and conducted ourselves with more jubilance than an ex-couple signing away their marriage probably should have. The office people even seemed perplexed. But page by page we made our way through the red-tape and the only twinge of melancholy I felt was over the fact that at the window right next to us, a young, fresh faced couple who couldn't have been more than 20 years old, signed their marriage license as we went from Man and Wife to Plaintiff and Defendant.

It was surreal. It was a testament to how the universe keeps moving. One thing ends, another begins.

We walked back out into the Tucson heat, talking about Jack-isms and our new significant others and what we hope the future will hold.

3. Jack
   Jack has been thriving. He rarely throws a tantrum or is disagreeable and just wants to have a good time. He sings Queen songs like a mad man and seems to understand the difference in our lives now. It never gets easier watching him grow up, no longer my baby, not even my toddler, but I can say it is endlessly fascinating. Watching him grow these emotions and thoughts on his own and relating them in the world leaves me in a proud silence. I sit back and marvel over what an easy child he is. How effortless it has been to parent him. I lucked out.

4. I am-
       * Currently looking for a job in a shitty economy and becoming increasingly uncomfortably frustrated over It All.
       * Reading a great book on the last burlesque queens.
       * Lamenting the heat every five minutes and fantasizing about Seattle (which I will be back in in November!)
       * Telling my baby fevered uterus and brain to STFU every five minutes. Thank god for IUDs and common sense.
      * Trying to figure out what it is I REALLY want to do. Because I want to do it NOW. And I want to create the future I envisioned for myself and my little family instead of just sitting on the What If's and Maybe When's. I feel as though I have come full force into adulthood. No longer chasing down pipe dreams and becoming more comfortable with myself to be able to actually talk frankly to myself instead of filling my head with platitudes.

And that's about it, for now.

Monday, May 28, 2012

100 Questions

  Because I have some idle time I figured I'd borrow Jess' idea and post 100 questions.

  • Are you young at heart, or an old soul? Old soul. I feel like I have very little in common, at least perspective wise, with people my age. 
  • What makes someone a best friend? The ability to bare your soul to that person and feel safe, a sense of humor, and an adept hand at cocktail making. 
  • What Christmas (or Hanukkah) present do you remember the most?  When my parents finally buckled and got me my dog, Max. I had wanted nothing but a puppy for YEARS. 
  • Tell me about a movie/song/tv show/play/book that has changed your life. I can't exactly name ONE song, but I know Bright Eyes has played a large role in my life and has serenaded some very special moments. 
  • Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike. I like my legs, I dislike my tummy. 
  • Would you like to reconnect with any friends you’ve lost contact with? I'm not too sure. I think I have the friends I value the most in my life right now as it is. 
  • What’s more important in a relationship: physical attraction or emotional connection? Emotional connection. Although physical attraction is kind of important too 
  • Name a movie that you knew would be terrible just from reading the title. Any movie that has been on the Lifetime channel. 
  • What holiday do you most look forward to? Halloween. I like making costumes and I like scary movies. For me it's the holiday with the least amount of pressure too. 
  • How is the relationship between you and your parents? My mom and I are total goofs. My dad and I have butted heads due to being very similar and very emotional people. We have had periods of off and on estrangement. 
  • You’ve got the TV on, but you’re not really watching. What channel is the TV on? Usually I just stream a movie from Netflix. 
  • Name a song that never fails to make you happy. "Foolin'" by Devendra Banhart

  •  ALSO! The Pixies are one of my favorite bands and this cover by another band I adore makes me so happy. I think I literally squealed with sheer delight when I first heard it.-

  • You know at least one person named Michael. Tell me about him. My uncle Mike! One of the funniest people I have ever known. 
  • Have you ever read the “missed connections” on Craigslist? Have you ever posted one, or wanted to? I read them here and there for shits and gigs. 
  • If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be? As much as I can get annoyed with Tucson I do see myself having my roots here. Although, I do have to admit the idea of moving to Seattle does kind of entice me. 
  • Can money buy happiness? No, but it can take the pressure off which can make things easier. 
  • Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not? I drink on occasion. I smoke on occasion. I don't do drugs. Why? I am human (regarding the smoking and drinking). 
  • Is there anyone close to you that you know you can’t trust? You don’t have to give names. No. I am pretty picky about who I keep in my life. If I get the sense that I can't trust somebody they are not a part of my life, period. 
  • Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid? My grandparent's house in Show Low, AZ. 
  • Have you ever spent a night in the hospital? Only when I had Jack. 
  • Do you enjoy being with only one or two friends, or with a large group of people? Being in large groups of people stresses me out. The fewer the better. 
  • Do you like the type of music your parents listen to? Do your parents like the type of music you listen to? I doubt it. Unless it was made in the '70s/'80s. 
  • Have you ever been bullied? Have you ever bullied anyone else? Yes and no. I don't think I'm capable of bullying. 
  • If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Probably spaghetti or lo mein.
  • If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship? Depends on the person. Sexual compatibility IS important. 
  • Do you believe in a god? I consider myself agnostic. 
  • Of all the social networks in the world, why use twitter? I don't have a Twitter account. 
  • What’s your favorite hashtag to track? #iseriouslydonthaveatwitteraccount.
  • Would you call yourself/your family “middle class?” Does the "middle class" even exist anymore?
  • Name a TV series you didn’t enjoy until after it ended. I JUST finished The United States of Tara and LOVED it. 
  • Have you ever bought a product from an infomercial? Nay.
  • If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you? I don't have a car at the moment and would quite enjoy one so I guess that's a no. 
  • If you go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say? I'd tell myself to save money for a rainy day. 
  • What’s your “quirkiest” habit? Lately I've been putting smoked Tabasco on damn near everything. 
  • What is “normal?” Are you normal? I know I'm not normal and I have a lack of understanding "normalcy". 
  • Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don’t have to see them die. Do you take the offer? Yes. 
  • What is one thing you could never forgive? Anything horrible happening to Jack. 
  • Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single? A relationship. Everything from the honeymoon period to the bloated-let's-have-sex-another-night-and-watch-TV-instead period is  worth sticking around for if it's the right person.
  • Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends? In some cases. 
  • Where do you and your friends go to hang out? Our place, usually.
  • Write the first sentence of your obituary. Amanda Sierra, died laughing at a reasonably old age with the person she loved the most. 
  • What is the best TV theme song ever? Mad Men's theme song. It has made me excited for the newest episode for about four years.
  • When you were young, what would you dream you would be when you grew up? A veterinarian with the hair of Princess Jasmine. 
  • When you’re alone in your own home, do you walk around naked? I used to, not so much these days considering I share a house with two other adults. 
  • What gets you out of bed in the morning? Good intentions and coffee. 
  • Do you want to have more friends than you have right now? I suppose one could never have too many friends. But I think the ones I have are more than sufficient. 
  • What part of the past year sticks out in your mind? Really? I dunno, maybe getting divorced, moving out, visiting Seattle with my best friend, getting a job as a server at Bumsted's and then meeting the person I should have met years and years ago. 
  • You win a scratch-off lottery game that gives you $2000 a week (after taxes) for the rest of your life. Do you keep your job? Nope. I would stay home, focus on writing more and have another baby. 
  • Could you be in a long-distance relationship? If you’re in one, what makes yours work? I don't know if I could. I suppose if I was forced to for a short period of time. 
  • What’s the best route to your heart? Humor, kindness and good taste in music. 
  • Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life?  Yep.
  • What is your favorite sport? I'm not what one would call a "sports fan." Not in the least. 
  • What has been troubling you lately? Money and the lack thereof. 
  • Did you enjoy your high school prom? If you haven’t gotten there yet, do you look forward to it? If you didn’t go, why not? It was okay
  • What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning? Intuition, usually. Although I'm getting better at the logical stuff. 
  • Do you know what makes you happy? Yes. 
  • Tell me about the last book you read. Probably Bossypants. I tend to jump around with poetry books and parts of my favorite books. 
  • What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given? That I was brave.
  • Who was your first crush? Probably Leonardo Dicaprio or any other Teen Beat "heartthrob" 
  • Do you believe that there is life on other planets? I've yet to see anything. 
  • Predict what your life will look like a year from now. Hopefully more financially sound. But everything else fills me with more hope than I've had in awhile. 
  • Often, people will ask how your last relationship ended. I want to know how it began. Myspace, 2006. Greg randomly IMed me. We began chit-chatting for a week or two and finally agreed to meet in person. 
  • Where is your favorite place to go out and eat? It varies. 
  • What is something you want to change about your current situation? More money, stable job. 
  • Early bird or night owl? I like to be an early bird. 
  • Are there any childhood possessions you still hold on to? I have Bobbie, my stuffed mouse, still. 
  • Give me an unpopular opinion you have. I am pro-choice.
  • What was the last song that was stuck in your head? "Last Favor" by The Finches
  • Where do you live? Be as general or specific as you want. I live a stones throw from the downtown hubbub   in Tucson, AZ.
  • Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation? I think we're getting a little to coddle-y with kids and setting them up to be the entitled jackasses we have enough of already. 
  • What was the longest car ride you’ve ever taken? Well, we're about to take an 18 hour drive up to Sacramento, CA next week. 
  • Have you ever taken part in a protest? Yes.
  • Would you ever use an online dating service? Nope.
  • What is your ethnic heritage? Spanish/Mexican/Swedish with dashes of other stuff for seasoning. 
  • Describe a person that inspires you. My grandmother. She is just a pillar of strength, integrity and just all around goodness. 
  • If you earn minimum wage doing what you love, would you? Sure. But as it stands this blog doesn't make me jack diddly squat. 
  • Do you believe in luck? Sometimes.
  • Describe the last time you were very angry at someone. I actually haven't been very angry in general lately.
  • Do you want to live until you’re 100? If I'm healthy and my loved ones are as well, sure. 
  • Do people change? If so, how do you keep a relationship together when both of you start to change? Yes. Yes. Yes. People change all the time. Sometimes a relationship can withstand the change and sometimes it falls apart. I will let you know how to keep a relationship together through this when I have successfully done so. 
  • Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them? Yes.
  • Would you rather be alone doing something you enjoy, or doing something you don’t like with your best friends? Probably alone doing something I enjoy. 
  • Do you practice what you preach? I certainly try to do so. 
  • If you take precautions to stay safe, do you ultimately act more recklessly? I've been pretty reckless. But when it comes to protecting something I love, I play it safe.
  • What do you value more in a significant other: Attractiveness or intelligence? Intelligence.
  • Are you hard-headed? I have been told I'm "stubborn". It may or may not be the Swede gene. 
  • Have you ever laughed uncontrollably when it was socially inappropriate? Only a couple times. 
  • When have you felt most alive? Being pregnant. Those months of creation were intense. 
  • Would you prefer to live? A city? The suburbs? The countryside? The mountains? The city. 
  • Do you often skip breakfast? About 8 times out of 10. 
  • How do you know what true love is? You don't have to think about it. You just do. As cliche as that sounds.  
  • Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die? Nope. 
  • Where is “home” for you? Wherever my loved ones are. 
  • What song best describes your life right now? 

  • Do you want to be perfect? Perfection is whatever you make of it. I don't think I'm perfect, I highly doubt I'll ever be perfect considering I'm, how do you say- HUMAN. But I can sleep at night and I can count a few people that like me and I've found my way from some seemingly rock bottom situations so I don't sweat the whole "perfection" thing. 
  • What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? What’s holding you back? Taking a class for something I'm interested in. I fantasize about taking writing classes or something of that ilk, but finances usually keep me back. 
  • How do you express your creativity? This little blog. 
  • Describe your neighborhood. A mix of college students, some professionals, hippies, and old houses. 
  • Name something you only liked because it was popular. I've never liked something just because it was popular. I think that's pretty stupid. 
  • Give me the story of your life in six words. Changing. Introspection. Accidental. Genuine. Relentless. Loved. 

  • If you actually read this whole thing, I love you.