Cloud beds and music

It's Monday and the letdown of a four day weekend ending seemingly abruptly has left me with the "doldrums". All I want to is lay in this-


This will also do


Listen to this-

With this on my nightstand-

And the window cracked just enough to fog the room with it's crisp post-rain winter weather but leaving the bed a nest of body heat and drowsiness.
A cat purring next to my belly wouldn't be too bad either.

Yes, this would be nice. Are you there God? It's me Amanda...

Muse of the Day

Regina Spektor



Because with her auburn hair and corral lips not to mention her whimsy and piano ballads, what's not to like? I often think if Greg and I had a daughter 29 years ago, it would be her. Greg with his classical piano training and me with a penchant for enjoying lyrics like "Mary Anne's a bitch!" sung with only the reckless abandon that one generally achieves after a good ol' swig (or 7) of whiskey, she seems like a perfect combo. She's one of the few artists we can agree on in the car and for that I love her.



It's really no wonder why we chose her for a frequenter in our wedding mix (I didn't hire a DJ so instead I painstakingly arranged music, all eight hours worth, in a very particular order- vows, dinner, mingling, dancing, drunk time). Here's my favorite off that list-

What the what?!

Jack has recently taken a liking to "The Wiggles" and consequently my Advil migraine intake has also increased. I can't say it doesn't have its little perks though because have you seen a toddler dance? Here's a video to prove it-

(Jack has also taken a liking to Gogol Bordello thanks to his father)




On another note are there any moms out there that know of a good moisturizing lotion for the hands? I say moms since they may know of the incessant hand washing that comes with toddlers AND flu season and how one mysteriously needs to do something that will result in hand washing only to wash away freshly applied lotion! That is all.

My ABC's

Since Jack has decided to sleep in past me (what?!) I decided to do this little number.

A - AVAILABLE: Nope.
B - BIRTHDAY: March 1
C - CRUSHING ON: Nobody, maybe Alexa Chung.
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Water, but will be moving on to my Patron Saint of Sanity-Coffee.
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Those who "get it".
F - FAVORITE SONG: Currently "Wedding Bell" by Beach House, but I have to many to list.
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Both. I like a good ol' fashioned gummy creature orgy.
H - HOMETOWN: Phoenix, AZ, but I'd like to change it now to Tucson. Officially.
I - IN LOVE WITH: Fall weather, seasonal coffees, Trader Joe's Madeleines.
J - JUGGLE: Life.
K - KILLED SOMEONE: Maybe on Grand Theft Auto back in the day. But that hooker had it coming.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Tucson to California. Since then I have vowed no more road trips ever.
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Not a big milkshake person, I can only handle so much lactose.
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: Two sweet and vulgar little brothers.
O - ONE WISH: Success in building a great act.
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Greg maybe. Or my mom as I've vowed to start calling people back (I avoid the phone like it's been slobbered on by a herpes monster).
Q- QUICKIE: Yes please.
R- REASON TO SMILE: See "I".
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: "Pure Morning" by Placebo.
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 6:51, but my head hurt so everything went on lock down until 9.
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR/PATTERN: Flesh.
V - VEGETABLE(S): Green beans
W - WORST HABIT: Procrastinating.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: One.
Y – YOYOS ARE: Alright, I suppose.
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Pisces, and a very cliche one I might add!

Random Questions About You:

Spell your name without vowels: MND MRTN
What color do you wear most?: I have no idea. Grey maybe? Black, white, etc.
Least favorite color?: Beige. It's just too soulless.
What are you listening to?: Feist (she has a good vibe for Fall).
Are you happy with your life right now?: Somewhat. I think there are always things to improve on though.
What is your favorite class in school?: It was English. Drama was fun too.
Are you outgoing?: In varying degrees.
Favorite pair of shoes?: Currently a pair of pumps I recently bought.
Where do you wish you were right now?: Seattle, maybe.

THE CANS:

Can you dance?: Sure.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: Nope.
Can you whistle?: Not very well.
Write with both hands?: Nope.
can you walk with your toes curled?: Probably.

THE DO'S:

Do you believe there is life on other planets?: Yes.
Do you believe in miracles?: Here and there.
Do you believe in magic?: Natural magic yes.
Love at first sight?: Lust yes, love no.
Do you believe in Satan?: Meh.
Do you believe in Santa?: Not anymore.
Do you like roller coasters?: Yes!
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: I highly, highly doubt it.

THE HAVES:

Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes
Have you ever asked someone out?: Sort of, in that casual way.
Have you ever been to the ocean?: Yes
Have you ever painted your nails?: Of course!
THE WHATS:

What is the temperature outside? A very nice 53 degrees.
What radio station do you listen to?: None, I don't care for the slop they play these days.
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Coco's.
What was the last thing you bought?: Diapers and food.
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: 30 Rock.

THE WHOS:

Who was the last person you IM'd? Colleen
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: Jack
Who was the last person you said I love you to?: Greg

CRYING SECTION:

Ever really cried your heart out?: Yes.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?:Yes.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Yes.
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: Yes.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: If it really hurts.
Do certain songs make you cry?:Not many lately, but a few have.
LOVE SECTION.

How many times have you had your heart broken?: Once, I think.
What is your current hair color?: Brown-ish red.
Current piercings: None, my ears have closed up twice and I haven't gotten around to re-piercing them.
Have any tattoos?: Two and plenty more to come (one day I plan on having both arms quarter sleeved).
Eye color?: Varying degrees of brown.

IN A BOY/GIRL:

Favorite eye color: Green, hazel, brown.
Short or long hair: Short and shaggy.
Height?: Something about an inch taller than me and up.
Best clothing: Something dapper on occasion.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Been to jail: Only to bail someone out.
Mooned someone: No, I don't think so.
Ran away from home: Nope.
Laughed so hard you cried: All the time.
Cried in school: Yes.
Thrown up in a store: Almost. I was pregnant!
Is there something really stupid that you still laugh at today?: All sorts of little things here and there.
THIS OR THAT:

Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: Wendy's.
Single or Group Dates: Single
Chocolate or Vanilla: Both.
Strawberries or Blueberries: Strawberries
Meat or Veggies: Both
TV or Movie: Depends what's out or on.
Guitar or Drums: Drums are more fun to play to me.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas but just because of Run DMC.
Chinese or Mexican: I refuse to pick. I'd eat both. In the same night.
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Neither.
Cake or Pie: Depends on either.
MTV or VH1: VH1.

Places That I've Come to Love the Most

I've realized recently that my love/hate relationship with Tucson has swayed more to the love side. While I'm not a fan of the heat that makes me see spots when I come inside from throwing out my garbage in the summer, everything else is usually dandy. I've lived here for a little over 16 years now (I was born in Phoenix and resided there until I was about 6 and I'm never going back due to the traffic and mindset that it absolutely must turn itself into a more materialistic L.A.). There is something about Tucson that grabs you. It could be our sunsets or the sense of community, it could be the Sonoran hotdogs or odd wildlife, it could be that fact that the entire city kind of feels like one giant oxymoron. Whatever it is, I've grown to hold it dear. So I've decided to introduce a new segment to this blog called "The Places That I've Come to Love the Most" where I'll showcase some of my favorite spots and maybe give you a story or two of each.

First Up- Epic Cafe.



I've been popping into Epic every now and then since I've been old enough to walk around downtown sans parents. It has an atmosphere that screams "yes, finish that chapter of your book and eat me!" Yes, "EAT ME" would be an appropriate slogan for this corner cafe because while there are foods that soothe the soul there is a sense of anarchy in their coffee, in the baker in the back with the sleeves of tattoo's and dreads and the punk lifer eating quiche to your left. They showcase local artists every month from art display's to open mic nights, offer some amazing vegan cuisine and the in-house baked desserts deserve a shrine in their honor. I can still recall the blissful feeling that came over me when tasting a forkful of pistachio mousse pie. It was better than my epidural.
It gives people watchers a sanctuary and a place to read the Tucson Weekly. Even their bathrooms deserve a quick looksie-



If you're interested in Epic take a gander at their website- http://www.epic-cafe.com/

Body Language

I live in a peculiar time when it comes to body image, and consequently I find myself torn down the middle. The ever apparent Pisces, not sure whether to go with the tide or battle against it. Even if it leaves me stranded on shore, no more oxygen in my lungs.
About four years ago I never gave my body much thought. I was a 17 year old girl, taught and perky. I ate like a bird but not because I was desperate to stay thin but because I had so many other things on my mind, moving swiftly to consume and feel the world and "maybe I'll actually eat dinner with my family tonight". Once I moved in with my now-husband I ate more. I settled down, became content.
When I found out I was pregnant I was 115 lbs at a height of 5'7''. I wondered what my body would become, but I was more concerned with what my life would become and when I focused on the emotional the physical fell behind. I gained 50lbs in those nine months. My frame was a mix between a girl (being that I was only 19) and the full fledged essence of a woman. Confusing and beautiful in equal measure. It had its up's and down's. My hips are small so I ended up with a wicked case of sciatica which at one point left me completely bed ridden achy with baby weight pushing my bones aside to make room for the world. My skin unable to handle the sudden weight gain stretched and became a map of motherhood and dermal abuse. But my mind was suddenly level. Once a woman who battled depression with dark rooms and razor blades and now someone so flushed with life I had no choice but to let the sun shine in. For me, for us, for him.
After Jack and I finally met, after the rush of all that oxytocin that floods one after childbirth left, I looked in the mirror and I cried. I cried a lot. I cried so much that I began to resent everything and everybody. "What the hell happened to me? Why don't they tell you these things?" I was 20 and while everybody I knew was bikini shopping I holed up in my apartment caring for my newborn yet feeling like I was pulled through a meat grinder.
It was then that I got to thinking about women and body image and society. It was a topic that made me want to rage and yet at the same time it made me want to hide myself away. Even now. Even in this very moment.
I became hopeful after I became involved in our local burlesque troupe. These women are amazing. Pillars of feminine power and allure. They built back up my self-esteem and while it has taken me miles from where I was I still find myself looking in the mirror, head cocked to the side, skeptical eyebrow raised. While I want to praise myself for being a natural woman I want to abuse myself back into a size 4. Because fashion isn't made for women like me now, for mothers who ate too much Burger King when knocked up. I hate the industry for not accepting me, I hate myself for not accepting me.
And so here I am today, torn between two possibilities- embrace what motherhood has given me and dress it, feed it, exercise it, love it or reject it and starve, exercise, deprive. Maybe soon I can get to where I want to go, with ME still intact.

This and that

I've been all sorts of scattered lately. Things going through my mind-

*Enrolling in beauty/esthetician school soon (well, at least within the next year) and trying to figure out how I'm going to handle the crazy schedule and child care that will have to go with it.

*Trying to figure out a future burlesque routine and wanting to work on costuming.

*Wanting to "nest", for whatever reason.

*Needing a haircut...bad. I spent about twenty minutes last night picking at split ends (it is one of my bad habits, and I don't do it often) and once I finished I looked at the sink and it looked like I molted.

*Wanting to play more with fashion.

*This blog.

*Jack's vocabulary (or lack thereof).

*Family and the impending holidays.

It actually feels a little better to put it all down that way it isn't just sitting there in my cabeza bumping into neuroses and to-do lists.

So to expound on those bullets-

*Regarding this blog, I would like to do a "Fashion Friday" post on this blog just to mix it up and give me a reason to dress up or play in my closet. I may start it tonight. Anybody who wants to join in is welcome. I REALLY enjoyed playing along with the Fall Fashion posts that happened a couple weeks ago. It was really fun to look and see and comment.

*The holidays are coming up and I'm feeling as though I should take the reigns this time and make the plans. Maybe even get my ass in the kitchen (this would be a feat!). I've been checking out cabins to rent for a weekend when my family is all down here in the Ol' Pueblo (this is pretty rare) and it may give this decorating/nesting fixation a decent outlet. If I could wrangle my entire family into one cabin (we generally run around visiting people at their abodes like chickens with our heads cut off) a gold medal should be in order. Seriously, so unorganized we are.

*Regarding Jack- This kid is a boy of very few words. He knows some ("mama", "dada", "hi", "bye") but he refuses to actually use them very often. He's 20 months and by now I expected him to at least say a couple words to form baby sentences. I read to him multiple times a day, talk to him, point out things and say what they are, emphasize words when they're on Sesame Street, etc and still not much. It's kind of frustrating being in a house all day with this little human and a language barrier. I know he'll talk in his own time and I shouldn't push him but c'mon Jack! Could I interest you in buying a vowel? Otherwise, the kid is awesome. He's healthy and growing like a weed. He's generally pretty happy but experiments with "terrible two" behavior from time to time. He gets cuter as he grows which I thought was impossible, but I figure it's nature's defense mechanism. Make them cuter so parent's wont don wigs and jet to Canada once the terrible two's hit.


That's really all for now. I'll leave you with a video.