While Greg and I lazed about after another day of toddler rearing exhaustion, watching HGTV an idea hit me so clearly that I felt stupid for not truly thinking it through before.
I should open up an online vintage clothing/accessories/knick-knacks store.
I told Greg and his eyes widened like I'd found the answer to a hardcore algebra problem merely by doodling daisies. Why the hell hadn't I thought about it before?!
The truth is, I had. I just didn't take myself seriously enough to attempt to take the idea into fruition. I thought I was too naive. Too unskilled. But frankly, sometimes I need to tell myself to shut the fuck up. I need to start squashing any self-defeating teenage angst bullshit and take the reigns on my own destiny. Even if I fail, even if I fall flat on my face in front of everybody at least it wouldn't look as pathetic as sitting there whining, taking no action, atrophying.
For the longest time I've been boxed into this corner thinking that I'd never find a job/career/whathaveyou that I'd truly be passionate about. That would still allow me to feel free. I didn't go to college, I didn't have the money, the stability, more importantly I didn't have the drive. I wanted/want to be a writer or anything in a field involving writing and I thought voice was more important than technical skill so I blew off college for experience. I experienced my way into an unplanned pregnancy and while Greg flourished out of grad school and into a great job I stayed behind and cared for Jack. The gaps widened in my resume and suddenly I felt worthless. Not anymore.
It's going to take work. I didn't come into this idea thinking I'd just go off finding cool vintage dresses and la-di-da! I'm still going to have to find a job to cultivate a nest egg for inventory. I'm going to have to get better at HTML and webpages so I can create an online store. I'm going to have to get intimate with my local post office. And it'll probably be awhile before I see any reward for my efforts and time BUT this feeling...this hopefulness and optimism about the future that I hadn't really felt in awhile, well, that's kind of reward enough.
P.S.- I think I'm going to name the shop Margot's (yep, as in Tenenbaum). What do you think?