Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Show Must Go On

These last few days I've been feeling guilty for finding anything pleasurable. The after effects of Saturday still find themselves lingering in my head. How could it not? I live a stones throw away from the scene. I was reminded of it today as I was driving from the park with Jack, grievers and flowers lining the corner in my rear view. And though I can't stop thinking, though I wake up from nightmares of guns and empty arms, I realized today that I could only do one thing-

Live still.

I refuse to be allow the fear consume me, make me fear or doubt everybody's motives. Living well is the best revenge. Keeping the memories alive and holding Tucson tighter is what will help heal us.

So, I have given my moments of silence. I have cried, held in the anger, wondered why, prayed, hurt. I won't forget. But I also won't hold myself back. None of us should.

"I wanna see you be the one whose first light
Harbours in the new day
And see you settle into yourself
And never be afraid"


elb said...

If anything at all, this has shown me how great of a community we do have here in Tucson, even if it hides away sometimes. I hope that you, too, find hope in that!

Amanda said...

I've lived here for 18 years (Phoenix before then) and I've always thought Tucson had a decent community. It's not as large as other places, but it's there. Mostly within the downtown area. I'm living on the NW side right now and have noticed that people sort of keep to themselves. When I used to go to Epic I could ask the stranger sitting to watch my seat and know I'd return to it. My friend has even done that with her purse!

These days though, maybe out of the political climate or economy, the community feel has sort of been on the back burner. It's unfortunate that it took tragedy to pull us closer to each other again but I hope it's the start of a new age of more empathy and care in our little desert town.

All I can do is keep the hope alive and strive for it.

Molly said...

Can't imagine what your community must be going through right now. Bravo to you for continuing to LIVE!