So yesterday while feeling sub-par I was watching some movie they decided to play on Flix (yep, it's 2009 and "cks" has now been replaced by "x"...this is where the bald Indian guy turns around and emits one solitary tear). It was called "Perfect Opposites" starring Piper Perabo and some generic white guy that I don't care enough about to Google. He was a chode in the movie anyway.
Insert Piper Perabo as Sidekick-
"Hi! I'm blonde and spunky and here for mischief! Totally!"
In this dream we're two gals on the town in downtown L.A. We're easy, breezy and I have my pre-baby body (WOOT!). Naturally, we rule the world and wear killer shoes. On this lovely day about town we decide "hey lets smoke some weed!" I'm not much of a weed smoker in real life. I've tried it a few times in high school and it hurt my throat, made me smile to much and only gave me the magical ability to eat two or three sleeves of Oreo's which clear headed I can't stand. I digress...We duck into this little head shop and start browsing bongs errr, "water pipes" and other paraphernalia when I decide I'm going to do it old school and have a doobie. Not this doobie-
In this dream I can walk all over LA in stilettos but I can't roll a blunt to save my life so ask the clerk for assistance. Yeah, this is a REAL legit head shop. That's when I look up and realize the counter girl is a dead ringer for Kat Von D.
"Hi, let me assist you in your cannabis needs."
For the next few minutes I'm enamored because hot girls with tattoos are up there on my list of likes. Right below spring rolls and Mystery Science Theater 3000. We're shooting the shit and laughing and just having a merry 'ol time when DUNDUNDUN-
Insert Robert Downey Jr. as a narcotics officer!
"Hi. You really have a grasp on irony don't you?!"
Everyone starts darting out of there. The skaters in faded Zero t-shirts, the dudes in the back looking guilty, and even Piper! What the hell Piper. I look at the Kat Von D-lite behind the counter and see the terror in her face. Immediately I want to help her out because she's cute and had very nimble fingers due to the craftsmanship that went into rolling up that smoke for me.
"Not today Robert Downey Jr.!" I think to myself. And thats when it happened. I went into vixen mode.
--------This is where it gets a little R-rated people, so you've been warned---------
I grab his hand and being the great authority figure he is, he actually followed me. I look back and wink at the counter girl, "you can thank me later, sparkly eyes." I lead RDJ down an alley and proceed to stand screw him. I'm very nimble in these dreams. And thats how RDJ and I became a couple.
After that it got kind of blurry. All I can really remember is Robert left me for my real life friend Jessica.
Hi Jess! Isn't she cute? I could totally see why Robert would leave me for her. She's petite and smart and I have really broad shoulders.
And I went on to become involved with an angry but dapper Irish man. Eventually Robert wanted me back and I was all "uh uh, you left me. Your loss. Try and find a chick that saves a head shop by molesting a narcotics officer in an alley again. I dare you!" And then Dapper Angry Irish Dude was all "lay off my woman!" and he decked Robert in the face. We had a little Spanish friend that lived with us and she was like "Ay dios mio!"
After that I had more weird dreams. Something involving a restaurant in Paris, boa constrictors and me falling off a bike.
All in a nights sleep my friends. All in a nights sleep.
Fin
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