Four

I sat on top of the parking garage on Park and Speedway and watched the sun blush until it tucked itself away for the evening. That was five years ago. I sat on top of that parking garage and watched the world, seemingly alone. I wasn't.
I went home and told your father that yes, yes we would try. We would allow the world I watched from several stories up flip upside down. We would keep the child, tucked away under my clothes, my doubts, my fear. You made us yours and hurling towards us, week by week, we could only hold hands and brace ourselves for the impact.

"Red rover, red rover, send the future over."

Four years ago I walked around the hospital grounds, waiting for you to arrive. It was happening. The culmination of nine months and wondering. Nine months and worrying. Nine months and hoping that everything would be okay.

I blinked and you were born. I blinked and you were crawling, walking, running. You were one, two, three times my baby. But not anymore.

Today you are four.

You want to walk down the sidewalk on your own now. You want to uncover the stories in the dirt for yourself. I offer my hand, try to reel you back into my grasp, but you won't have it anymore. You are on your own mission.

"I can walk on my own. You trust me now."

I don't want to believe it. The notion that one day you'll walk on these sidewalks completely alone, without me to point out the colors in the early spring daisies. Without me to say "we're almost there."



You reassure me now. You hold my hand only when you feel I need it. And much like that summer evening I spent staring off into that pink horizon, unsure of the unknown, somewhere deep down I knew it would be okay. You knew.

I trust you now. We're almost there.



Happy Birthday, little prince.

23 years

When I was seventeen I imagined myself at twenty-three to be an independent woman. I was going to be an artist in one way or another. I was going to be a writer or a starving writer at the very least. A cliche in a studio apartment with packs of Parliament Lights aside my trusty laptop. I was going to be in love with a boy by then, I knew that much, because I always am. I was going to be stylish and clever and cut through the world with my own rules.
I'm twenty-three today.

I made myself a writer, in whatever way I see fit.
I suppose you can call me an artist...

I'm definitely in love with a boy...

I suppose some days I'm clever, when the coffee is brewed right. Stylish, when the hours are favorable.

I didn't expect twenty-three to look QUITE like it does right now. I guess I've cut through the world with my own rules. Ever changing, ever evolving.

Today I am twenty-three.

My body has changed and so has my heart, both better and worse for the wear. Softer, some seams fraying, some spots calloused and worn, some hairs out of place. I have my health, I have my mind, I have some dance moves tucked away for a special occasion. I have friends older and new, silver and gold. I have a song or two. I'm still singing...

Today I am twenty-three.

And I still recognized the face in the mirror this morning.

I Heart My Mother-In-Law

Sunday we headed on over to the in-law's for a dinner and cake. My mother-in-law wanted us to open one of Jack's birthday presents early-








It was a kick in the nostalgia pants as I had a little set like this when I was Jack's age (only mine were plastic, I believe). I couldn't be more tickled with this little dinner set and am looking forward to keeping them as a little heirloom for future kids (?) or grandkids (???).